"just gonna stand there and watch me burn, well that's alright because i like the way it hurts"
k i love rihanna, as you probably already know since you're stalking my blog, but please this girl is deluded, if she likes the way a burn feels, because lets just say i've meddled in my fair share of delicious burns to the leg, and i'm going to tell you all about how that night played out..
So it was a thursday night, i was settled, enjoying my day off, like a usual internet addict browsing the web, etc etc. I was going to skype my friend Austin, and told him on facebook chat that i'd brb as i was going to make a cup of tea and then we'd skype.. so i go down stairs, i'm in my boxer briefs obviously it's late and whatever i'm not making excuses to being a tramp, anyways i boil the kettle and i'm waiting and have the radio on, so i pick up the kettle and i'm walking across the tiles, and next thing, waheeey slide ass over tit and pour the boiling water all over my legs, start wailing like whitney houston.. run into my mum like, omfg!! i'v fucking burnt my leg!! screams!! and she's like *panic* OKAY GO TO THE SHOWER AND RUN COLD WATER, so i did that, and it was burning like a bitch, you know the pain you can't even cry because it's just *that* sore? yeah holla at your homie it was burning like a bitch, and i was just sitting with the water on my leg, freezing cold trying my hardest not to beat my face multiple times off the bathroom tiles because it was *that* sore.. so my mum rang the doctor, and they told her to bring me to hospital.. my mum doesn't drive, evidently i don't either, so we have to order a the taxi, we're waiting like 20 minutes, i feel like my leg is about to fall off as it's freezing cold yet vibrating with pain.. i'm all for sitting in the shower in my boxers shivering like crazy and resembling the bitch from the movie the grudge, but my leg looked oddly like corned beef and it was making me worry (what's corned beef you ask?) well i got you this picture:
yes, beautiful right? .. so the wait was over, the taxi arrived, beep beep, 12 am. i put on a pair of jogging pants, and because they're grey and my legs are wet i now look like i've pissed myself. fun! so now i feel bad, but the taxi driver, was so nice, she was trying to take my mind off the burn, as i'm sure you'll know when you burn yourself, and there's no water on the burn it vibrates and HURTS ALOT.. imagine a burn from your knee to the top of your thigh. yeah, so anyways. she kept talking and telling me how she had to rush to the hospital one night and i was so close to saying LISTEN BITCH STFU HOW IS A SPRAINED THUMB ANYTHING LIKE THE FREDDY KREUGER LOOKING SHIT THAT'S GOING ON WITH MY LEGS RIGHT NOW.. but i refrained.
So we get into the hospital, the a&e, and the woman behind the desk was such a stupid bitch
my leg feels like a charizard had just explosive diarrhoea'ed up the side of it, and this woman is asking stupid ass questions, in a stupid ass voice REALLY FUCKING SLOWLY..
Okay.. so whats...your..sons...name...what.s....his...da...te...of...birth...types slowly...
i ended saying "EXCUSE ME BUT CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE I CAN GO THIS REALLY HURTS"
so she told me to follow the yellow line, i felt like dorothy following these stupid ass markings, and i turn the corner, and they rush me into a stupid room, and start putting these paddings on my leg, i'd love to go into detail but i've already wrote loads and to be honest i'm starting to get emotional thinking about it as it gets me angry, but the doctor runs into the room yeah, and he asks "Okay sir, remove your trousers"
... pervert. Kidding, but i removed them, and he asks "Did you burn your genitalia?" .. lets be honest if i burnt my penis or balls i wouldn't be sitting so politely, so at this point because there's 2 nurses and 1 doctor looking at my crotch, then my face which is now the colour of my purple corned beef leg due to the embarrassment of asking does my dick look like it's been deep fried, i simply replied "no"
3 hours later, i'm still laying on some bed which has paper sheets, which are uncomfortable as hell i felt as if i was laying in a toilet roll cloud advert but whatever
My mum is now asking me to shut up, as i was trying my hardest not to cry so i was making these noises "tssss" "ahhh" "sssstttt" "fuckfuckfuck" you know the usual, it's now like 3:30 am and the doctor comes in, they wrap my leg up and by the end i look like i borrowed the michelin man's legs.. whos the michelin man you ask? here's a picture!
yeah so you can now imagine my legs in multiple layer's of wrapping.. it's healed now, although it's kinda red, the doctor said it won't scar, but wow my life fucking sucks.
just gonna stand there and watch me burn.. well that's alright because i like the way it hurts... fuck that shit, no i do not, keep ya fuckin burning to a minimum.
xo xo
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